i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I am morally bankrupt
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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