Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where is the hickey?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
