fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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