Do vagina's smell?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hippo gnu deer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
