I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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