brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
