two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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