Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
