And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
