I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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