Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
