I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
