the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
