i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
