Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
