That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
