no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
