I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
