he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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