I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
