i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
