did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Soap is not a condiment
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't just leave with hair like that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
