i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
