Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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