There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
