how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
