I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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