did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
