i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
