I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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