1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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