adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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