I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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