awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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