Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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