so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
