Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
