the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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