his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
