Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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