It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
