Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
