So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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