Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
