I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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