She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
