Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just high enough for therapy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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