Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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