I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
