Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
