Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
