In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
