Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
